PR draft final-6 comments

Nathan Myers (ncm@cantrip.org)
Mon, 25 Jan 1999 21:38:56 -0800


Almost ready...

> **** FORK 1 **** FINAL-6 DRAFT
>
> FOR RELEASE: Tuesday 26 January 1999
>
> Contact: linux-2.2@linuxunited.org
>
> SANTA CLARA, C.A. -- Today Linus Torvalds, the primary developer and
> coordinator of the Linux kernel team, releases a major new version of the
^^^^^^^^
I disagree with Albert on this one: it should be "released". We're
not announcing a projected event, but an achieved one. Announcements
of expected future events are routinely round-filed.

> * Strong 256-bit encryption, uncompromised by US export restrictions, is
> available as an add-on component. It protects both network
> infrastructure and hard disk storage, including swap space.

This is too much detail. Delete the last sentence, or (if not) change
"protects" to "can protect", and maybe still delete "including swap
space".

> * Enterprise-level network filesystem support, with data replication for
> performance, mobility, and extreme reliability, ensures that file
> server destruction does not stop business.

Hyphens, again: "file-server" is the correct adjectival phrase
preceding the noun "destruction".

> * Compatibility with Windows NT and BSD filesystems enables Linux 2.2 to
> seamlessly handle data from legacy systems. With SAMBA, a Linux system
> can transparently replace all NT Server functions, including file- and
> print-sharing and domain authentication.

That word "seamlessly" still screams "flim-flam!". We don't need to
snow anybody, we've got the real goods. Let's replace "enables ... to
seamlessly handle" with "gives ... full access to".

> Linux 2.2 is available for free download via the Internet. For a list of
> the "mirror servers" established in anticipation of the massive demand for
> this new release, visit the Linux Kernel Archive (http://www.kernel.org/).
> As always, the Linux kernel is distributed as Free Software under the terms
> of the GNU General Public License (http://www.fsf.org/copyleft/gpl.html).

I like the above much better than anything I've seen earlier, including my
own suggestion. Good work!

> "Linux" is the common name for a class of secure network operating systems
> based on the Linux kernel and other open source software including the Free
> Software Foundation's GNU Project, the Apache web server, Samba, the X
> Window System, and portions of BSD. Linux takes full advantage of modern,
> high-end x86, Power Mac, Alpha, and UltraSPARC hardware. It can also
> breathe life into older machines -- even 386- and 486-based computers.
> Networks of Linux computers can provide supercomputer-like performance for
> some applications; one widely-known example is the dramatic 3-D scenes in
> the blockbuster movie "Titanic", which were rendered on Alpha-powered Linux
> systems.

I'd like to see "breathe new life" here -- or better, replace the sentence
with something more meaningful:

It can also make older machines--even 386-based computers--useful
again.

> Both traditional support contracts and cost-effective Internet support
> resources are readily available. Linux is provided under an unlimited-use
> license that lets users make in-house customizations to the system itself.
> Recent estimates suggest that Linux has up to 20 million users worldwide.

Why "cost-effective" and not "free"? Why "contracts"?
I suggest:

Support is readily available from distribution vendors and a variety
of service companies, besides the free Internet newsgroups.

Looking good!

Nathan Myers
ncm@cantrip.org

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